We Made it to Kindergarten

Five years ago, I sat on the edge of my bed holding my daughter, Brielle. She was only a few months old at the time. My entire being was flooded with sadness and depression. I couldn’t enjoy the the fullness of her life. I wanted a “redo.” Having a baby proved to be more than I could handle mentally. God had made a mistake in allowing me to carry a healthy child full term. My thoughts were warped with confusion. I remember so vividly asking God to fast forward Brielle to five years old. One thousand eight hundred and twenty-five days later, she is five years old. Thankfully, postpartum depression had a short reign in my life and I can embrace Brielle with an overwhelming love! Now, I have to adjust to her entering Kindergarten. I keep wondering if I am teaching Brielle enough about life. As an educator, my eyes and ears have witnessed the best and worst of kids in their finest moments. The constant thoughts of me me thinking, “did I prepare Brielle for this next stage in  life? Is she strong enough to stand up to kids who are a little more overbearing and quarrelsome? Did my lessons on respect and self esteem take root in her heart.” We pride ourselves in making sure Brielle knows who she is based on her self confidence, not on others perception. She will see more of the world as she journeys  outside of the Pre-K realm and realize life is not based on fairy tales. I would love to keep her right under me forever, but Brielle must make her own mark on the world. At this point, I want her to enjoy Kindergarten and all of its offerings. She needs to feel the warm sunshine as she runs around the playground giggling with her classmates, savor the school lunches, and absorb all the knowledge that is being poured into her daily. I have no doubt she will love art. She has remnants of her art creations throughout the house on the carpet, walls, and furniture. Creating things is her passion. One of our main goals is to give her a spiritual foundation. She needs to understand the extent of God’s love that is available to everyone, regardless of one’s choices. Her little mind never seems to stop. We answer at least a million questions a day (literally) on “why is why?” My husband and I pray for patience to endure it all. There really is no handbook on “parenting Brielle Taylor.” It consists of much prayer, faith, and tests. Getting to this point has been more than I have ever imagined or knew I could handle. I’m thankful for God’s grace in seeing me through the darkest hours to witness the light of now and the days ahead in raising Brielle Taylor with my wonderful husband.

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