The Big Decision…Updated
My own personal struggle of deciding to have another child was very taxing, mentally. “One is enough,” I thought. I couldn’t fathom going through the pain of having another child. The thought of getting pregnant would make my heart palpitate or render me into a very emotional state. It was all too overwhelming for me to handle. So, I decided to stop others from discussing the issue with me by refusing to talk about it.
Of course, I’m not getting any younger. My husband would really like another child and Brielle needs a sibling. I thought I had dealt with my fears and finished healing from postpartum depression. Although I came to the realization that, I was not completely healed. I went before God broken and in distress. I needed him to remove the anxiety, fear, and pain. I cried unto him during many car rides and morning prayers. I could never do this on my own. I knew my true strength and peace could only come from God.
Thankfully, God has extended his grace. The buried anxieties and fears no longer reside within me. Hold on a second… I am a little nervous about losing sleep. Brielle is at the age when I can actually sleep-in a little longer, even if it is only until 8:30 or so. Oh, how I love sleep!
Happily, we are trying for a BOY! At least, that’s our prayer!
For those who have dealt with postpartum depression, never allow anyone to pressure you into having a baby until you are emotionally and physically ready. Seek any necessary help to deal with your fears and concerns. You have to be healthy for you! There is HOPE!
The above blog was written about two years ago. My husband and I are expecting a healthy baby GIRL in a few days… It could be earlier depending on when she decides to grace us with her presence. The news of me having another child was a little hard for me to grasp because I knew life was getting ready to change drastically. Thinking of the sleepless nights that lay ahead had me in a twilight zone. I also had to deal with the thought of the strain having my first child put on my marriage. A new baby weighs so heavily on your norm. There are so many adjustments you make as a couple that you are not prepared to deal with. Thankfully, we made it!! Next, I had to deal with my “age.” Being 40 and getting pregnant was one thing, then I turned 41 during the process! For a brief moment, I actually cared what others would say about me being pregnant at 41 years of age. SMH… silly of me to feel ashamed of something God deemed me worthy to experience. It’s my body and family’s blessing. When I am age 60, my 2nd child will only be 20 therefore, it’s mandatory that I keep my health up to par so i’ll be around for a long time… Lol!
As mentioned earlier, I experienced postpartum depression after giving birth to my oddest daughter. The struggle of PD forced me into handling life so differently. It taught me to value me over things that were/are minuet. My “no” was “NO” and “yes” was “YES!” I can not say that the delivery of my decisions was always Christ-like. Let’s blame it on the hormones. 🙂 The first trimester of this 2nd pregnancy caused me to relive some moments of the PPD, due to my evening bouts with nausea, and some unforeseen life occurrences within my family. I have to save that information for a later post… it’s real juicy. As a result of God’s grace, he sustained my mental state. Prayer and the word were/are my sword. The enemy tried to send a package I could not accept. He has no power nor authority over anything concerning me. Thank God for my husband, he learned to be very supportive through this pregnancy. We had our ups and downs, but we stood our ground. I know my pettiness and mood swings wear him out (shoulder shrugging). He was built for me! We are looking forward to welcoming our 2nd precious daughter into this world.
I will keep you posted on this next journey of my life. There is no doubt that having a second child will bring new lessons of growth that will continue to push me into my true essence of being God’s favorite girl.