My own personal struggle of deciding to have another child was very taxing, mentally. One is enough, I couldn’t fathom going through the pain of having another child. The thought of getting pregnant would make my heart palpitate or render me into an emotional state. It was all too overwhelming for me to handle, so I decided to not talk about it or stop others from discussing the issue with me.
Of course, I’m not getting any younger. My husband would really like another child and Brielle needs a sibling. I thought I had dealt with my fears and finished healing from postpartum depression. I didn’t know I was not completely healed. I went before God in distress and broken. I needed him to remove the anxiety, fear, and pain. I cried unto him during many car rides and morning prayers. I could never do this on my own. I knew my true strength and peace could only come from God.
Thankfully, God has extended his grace. The buried anxieties and fears no longer reside within me. Hold a second, I am a little nervous about losing sleep. Brielle is of that age where I can actually sleep-in a little longer, even if it is until 8:30ish. Oh how, I love sleep.
Happily, we are trying for a BOY! At least, that’s our prayer!
For those who have dealt with postpartum depression, never allow anyone to pressure you into having a baby until you are emotionally and physically ready. Seek any necessary help to deal with your fears and concerns. You have to be healthy for you! There is HOPE!