Parenthood

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Me, “Who’s staying home? Me or you?” My husband, “Why?” Me, “Brielle is sick.” I had no clue my husband and I would ever have to decide on who’s staying home to watch our sick daughter (sounds silly, but true). I never thought about her getting sick through the week. I’m serious-don’t talk about me too bad. Fortunately, I was the one that stayed home (lol!). We tried to make an arrangement for both of us to work half a day…it didn’t work. I was not upset. I actually felt blessed to know we were working together as a team. It’s easy to take moments like this for granite. I am appreciative my husband and I are growing in parenthood. We do not always see eye-to-eye on parenting issues, but we are learning/learned how to compromise. Our focus is to raise a healthy child spiritually, emotionally and physically. In order to do so, we have to be a strong unit. A lot of things are trial and error. We figure it out along the way.

The arguments or fire discussions help mold us. How can you have perfection without discomfort? We need the ugly to bring out the good. It only fortifies our union and destiny. I am proud of our progress. Everyday looks more promising. We are getting this parent thing down-pat.

I am going to focus on this phase. Lord help us! With our next chapter…toddler-adult development…on my knees:)

 

You Want Me To Do WHAT?

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About four months ago, as I was rocking my daughter to sleep, I began to pray. I asked God, “What is my next move in life?” I was/am longing for greater things. I immediately heard his reply, “Start a blog.” I thought, “What?” I had no clue about starting a blog. Plus, I didn’t feel I was a good writer. I will comma splice or omit punctuation at any given moment. To top it off, I was not computer savvy! Evidently, I heard the wrong answer. That is not what God was saying to me.

Nevertheless, I listened…give or take, two weeks later. I researched how to start a blog on the internet, prayed for direction, perused different blogs to get ideas, and I asked for help. Within three weeks, Pamela Taylor’s Truth was birthed. Unfortunately, I stalled for about a month advertising my site. I was scared. I didn’t want people to think I was crazy nor let them into my personal world. It hit me! God directed me to create this blog for a purpose. It was not all about me. Other people need to hear my truth, my journey. I moved forward.

Through my blog, I have experienced complete healing from Postpartum Depression, become a better wife, mother, and touched the heart of those who visit my site. Plus, my resume has expanded! I am now the proud CEO of Pamela’s Truth!! Let’s not forget…drum-roll please…I know how to set up a blog site AND add plug-ins!!!

What has God compelled you to do? Do not let fear stop you…Move forward!! Your obedience will help others.

Pooping Revelation

One evening I was taking a shower while Brielle played in her tub. I am only making life a little easier. We can both get clean at the same time. Well, at least Brielle can enjoy her toys because she cannot bathe herself. Anyway, everything was going smoothly… until Brielle pooped in her tub. It was a massive explosion. I jumped out of the shower to save her. As if, she was in danger. Nevertheless, Brielle was able to smear some poop; and in the process of me trying to lift her out of the tub, she tried to drink the bathwater. I know! Gross! It was funny to her. I stood Brielle outside of the tub, so I could figure out my next move. I decided to finish her bath in the bathroom sink. It was too much trouble to clean out the tub, run more bath water, and then bathe her.
After everyone and everything was clean. I took a moment to reflect on the situation. It hit me! There is always a solution to every problem we face. Regardless, of how it looks and feels like at the moment, there is an answer. We only need to pay attention. I am guilty of making my life more complicated (at times) by over-thinking situations, not praying as I should,  and holding on to my worries. God always give me direction! When I stop trying to figure everything out; and I LET him work it out.

My poop solution was in front of  me…the sink. Where is yours?

A simple revelation for a stinking mess.

OMGoodness…Breastfeeding

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I started off like a champ with breastfeeding. I was confident everything was going great. Until…I started googling, listening to unsolicited advice, and asking too many questions. My confidence slowly leaked out. Worry and anxiety set in. Was Brielle getting enough milk? Am I eating the right foods? How often should I feed her? Omgoodnes, I was tripping out and over-thinking.

In addition, I still had to conquer the fear of nursing in public. I didn’t want my child to starve, but the thought of my breast/nipple being exposed to the masses…was not cool. Nevertheless, it happened. I believe Brielle did it on purpose. It was no need for her to pull on the blanket so she could see everything. She only needed to suck, get full, and burp…JK, but it might be some truth to my observation.

I had to make changes.

I slowly weaned myself from googling everything. I only used the advice from professionals and mothers who had nursed their children to help me. But most importantly,  I began to rely on my own motherly intuition. It really exists. I didn’t know anything, but I learned (learning). I no longer worried about my diet. It’s not like I was eating fast food everyday. I stopped waking  Brielle to nurse her. She had no problem letting me know when she was hungry.  And she was still gaining weight…not starving. I stopped stressing about my breast/nipple being on display to the world. You’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. Oh well, oooppps…

Living and learning…

 

What Happened?

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What happened to my hot relaxing showers? Brielle is what happened. I try to escape into a state of tranquility, but its short lived. Brielle interrupts me by banging on the shower door with her face pressed against it. She likes to lick the glass, too. Hey, it makes her happy. In order for me to get out, I have to drop her some toys over the shower stall to get her to move away from the door. Yep, stuck in my place of relaxation.

What happened to using the bathroom, alone? Now, I have someone clawing at my knees, unrolling the toilet paper for me, and forcing a seat on my lap. Who does that? Brielle!

What happened to sleeping-in? I forgot what it feels like.  Can someone remind me? Thankfully, our bundle of joy sleeps through the night. But, she is bright-eyed and bushy tailed about 7am. We are blessed to have a happy baby, so early in the morning (not being sarcastic). I think she’s ready for sleepovers. I’m the one with the problem. It’s hard to let her go. I’m saying this now.

What happened to my nice dining out experience? Well, it’s more like…my husband and I taking turns to eat. Brielle, loves to enjoy the scenery from both views. That is, she will go back and forth between us during the meal. We have to take quick bites of our food, while she is out of our arms. Sometimes she is less active…not often. Brielle loves life and everything around her. Who can blame her? It’s a lot to enjoy!

Nevertheless, I wouldn’t trade these moments for anything. Joy comes in all forms.

Riding in the Car with Brielle

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My first few outings alone with my daughter were very lovely (dripping with sarcasm). This one in particular…left an impact.

First off, I was a little nervous thinking about not being able to totally see her while I was driving, breastfeeding in public, making sure she eats on time (God forbid, I didn’t want her to starve), and the list goes on…

Before leaving the house, I made sure everything was in the diaper bag, including the nursery…literally. Well, we started out on our journey without any problems. Our nice shopping trip quickly turned into a nightmare. While in Target, Brielle became a little fussy. I picked her up to soothe her, that didn’t work. So, I went into a dressing room to nurse her. Our usual 20 minute feeding turned into a hour session. For whatever reason, she wouldn’t stop whining and didn’t want me to put her down. I was so nervous. Sweat was pouring down my back. I was thinking, “Help me, somebody.” She finally fell asleep from me rocking her.

I ran out of Target, not really, but my pace was fast enough to qualify for a slight jog. My goal was to make it home without waking Brielle. Did it happen? Nope, she woke up soon as I reached the highway. I’m pretty sure all the people driving on 436 heard her screaming. I was nervous once again…here comes the sweat. I drove for about 10 minutes. I had to pull over. We were both crying. I asked God to help me…more like begged him.

I nursed her, again. We sat in the parking lot for about 30 minutes, before she fell asleep. I gently placed her back in the car seat. I ran swiftly to the driver’s side to drive us home. OMGoodness, that experience left me frazzled for days. I didn’t want to go out alone with Brielle, ever again. That’s how I felt at that moment.

Thankfully, I worked out the kinks. Honestly, Brielle decided she would calm down and enjoy our outings. She was running the show. Planning around feeding and nap times made a world of difference, too.

Don’t judge me…I’m a first time mother.

Bedtime Routine

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While en route to a late dinner with my family, I began to reflect on my journey through Postpartum Depression. I remember not wanting to leave the house after 6pm; and feeling a persistent need to return by this time. Each night it was mandatory for me to stay on schedule with preparing my daughter for bed. I did everything in my power not to veer off track. I would feel anxiety creeping upon me whenever the time drew near, and I was still out. Tears secretly escaped my eyes because I could not get home fast enough. I was in a terrible OCD cycle.

I began to make myself stay or go out later. It was the only way to get sanity. Shortly after, I began to realize it was “OK” to stay out beyond 6 o’clock. The world was not going to end. I no longer needed to torture myself…or my husband:l

Now, I’ll leave the house and return after my daughter’s bedtime…with her in tow. Guess what? She does not go off track.

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