The Big Decision…Updated

My own personal struggle of deciding to have another child was very taxing, mentally. “One is enough,” I thought. I couldn’t fathom going through the pain of having another child. The thought of getting pregnant would make my heart palpitate or render me into a very emotional state. It was all too overwhelming for me to handle. So, I decided to stop others from discussing the issue with me by refusing to talk about it.

Of course, I’m not getting any younger. My husband would really like another child and Brielle needs a sibling. I thought I had dealt with my fears and finished healing from postpartum depression. Although I came to the realization that, I was not completely healed. I went before God broken and in distress. I needed him to remove the anxiety, fear, and pain. I cried unto him during many car rides and morning prayers. I could never do this on my own. I knew my true strength and peace could only come from God.

Thankfully, God has extended his grace. The buried anxieties and fears no longer reside within me. Hold on a second… I am a little nervous about losing sleep. Brielle is at the age when I can actually sleep-in a little longer, even if it is only until 8:30 or so. Oh, how I love sleep!

Happily, we are trying for a BOY! At least, that’s our prayer!

For those who have dealt with postpartum depression, never allow anyone to pressure you into having a baby until you are emotionally and physically ready. Seek any necessary help to deal with your fears and concerns. You have to be healthy for you! There is HOPE!

The above blog was written about two years ago. My husband and I are expecting a healthy baby GIRL in a few days… It could be earlier depending on when she decides to grace us with her presence. The news of me having another child was a little hard for me to grasp because I knew life was getting ready to change drastically. Thinking of the sleepless nights that lay ahead had me in a twilight zone. I also had to deal with the thought of the strain having my first child put on my marriage. A new baby weighs so heavily on your norm. There are so many adjustments you make as a couple that you are not prepared to deal with. Thankfully, we made it!! Next, I had to deal with my “age.” Being 40 and getting pregnant was one thing, then I turned 41 during the process! For a brief moment, I actually cared what others would say about me being pregnant at 41 years of age. SMH… silly of me to feel ashamed of something God deemed me worthy to experience. It’s my body and family’s blessing. When I am age 60, my 2nd child will only be 20 therefore, it’s mandatory that I keep my health up to par so i’ll be around for a long time… Lol!

As mentioned earlier, I experienced postpartum depression after giving birth to my oddest daughter. The struggle of PD forced me into handling life so differently. It taught me to value me over things that were/are minuet. My “no” was “NO” and “yes” was “YES!” I can not say that the delivery of my decisions was always Christ-like. Let’s blame it on the hormones. 🙂   The first trimester of this 2nd pregnancy caused me to relive some moments of the PPD, due to my evening bouts with nausea, and some unforeseen life occurrences within my family. I have to save that information for a later post… it’s real juicy. As a result of God’s grace, he sustained my mental state. Prayer and the word were/are my sword. The enemy tried to send a package I could not accept. He has no power nor authority over anything concerning me. Thank God for my husband, he learned to be very supportive through this pregnancy. We had our ups and downs, but we stood our ground. I know my pettiness and mood swings wear him out (shoulder shrugging). He was built for me! We are looking forward to welcoming our 2nd precious daughter into this world.

I will keep  you posted on this next journey of my life. There is no doubt that having a second child will bring new lessons of growth that will continue to push me into my true essence of being God’s favorite girl.

I Wanted to be Angry!

The Thursday before Irma hit Florida was a very trying time for me. My Friday morning didn’t begin so well either. Brielle (my daughter) was upset because she didn’t want to wear a particular colored shirt to school. My husband volunteered to help “in a not so polite way.” Tsk- tsk. Pregnancy hormones and anger are not a good mixture for anyone. Thankfully, daddy dearest just walked away with a scowl on his face. I didn’t feel any restraint nor grace at that moment (just blatantly ignored the Holy Spirit telling me to remain calm.) I left for work and made a quick stop by Publix. The produce manager was so kind. In my opinion, Publix is the place to go if you need a quick boost of happiness. The manager asked me if I needed anything. While smiling, I told him “No.” I quickly turned back to him to say, “Yes, I need a housekeeper, chef, nanny, and a vacation!” For some reason, no words came out of my mouth. He probably thought that I was a little weird because I paused and stared at him. But I honestly wanted to tell this guy all of the above, LOL! I can’t be the only one who has ever felt like spewing out their problems/needs to a stranger. My focus had quickly shifted to temporary problems and not to the one who can provide a solution. I got myself together to pray.  It still took awhile before everything returned to normalcy. There was the issue of me not totally letting go of the opposition. I wanted to be angry, frustrated, and pop-off.  How silly it sounds to feel that way, but it’s the truth. Even in my pettiness, God still loved me enough to send a reminder of forgiveness and his reassurance of having everything in his control.

I released the pain. Our sovereign Lord gave me peace and began to shift those wayward things around for me.  Totally surrendering your hurt to Christ will make a difference in your perspective of the dilemmas you face. Just being human, we sometimes allow trials to overtake us, but we have to quickly turn to the word of God and prayer. When we build a relationship with Christ he will always give us that nudge to walk in love, peace, and truth…even when we do not want to.

 

 

 

Follow God’s Lead

About four months ago, as I was rocking my daughter to sleep, I began to pray. I asked God, “What is my next move in life?” I was/am longing for greater things. I immediately heard his reply, “Start a blog.” I thought, “What?” I had no clue about starting a blog. Plus, I didn’t feel I was a good writer. I will comma splice or omit punctuation at any given moment. To top it off, I was not computer savvy! Evidently, I heard the wrong answer. That is not what God was saying to me.

Nevertheless, I listened… approximately two weeks later. I researched how to start a blog on the internet, prayed for direction, perused different blogs to get ideas, and I asked for help. Within three weeks, Pamela Taylor’s Truth was birthed. Unfortunately, I stalled advertising my site for about a month. I was scared. I didn’t want people to think I was crazy nor let them into my personal world. Then it hit me! God directed me to create this blog for a purpose. It was not all about me, other people need to hear about my truth – my journey. I moved forward.

Through my blog, I have experienced complete healing from Postpartum Depression, continue to become a better wife (I hope my husband feels the same way) and mother, and touched the heart of those who visit my site. Plus, my resume has expanded!  And I know how to set up a blog site AND add plug-ins!!!

What has God compelled you to do? Do not let fear stop you… Move forward!!! Your obedience will help others.

I wrote the above post about three years ago, I remember being so nervous to write the truth of my life. Some of my posts were written through tears and heartache/break. I have no regrets. I continue to gain more insight of life to pass on to my readers.

I’ve been so blessed by the reception of those who come to visit my site. My heart is overwhelmed with the joy God gives me as I pour myself out to you. My last writing attracted close to 500 readers!! That is a huge milestone for me. I’m like, sheesh people are really enjoying what I have to say. Honestly, I do not think my life is all that exciting, but I realize my experiences are needed to birth words of encouragement into you and myself. 🙂 I say to myself daily and to you, “Do what God has placed in your heart to accomplish.” It may seem minuet at the moment, but it will have a greater impact in the future.

I must acknowledge my wonderful sister-in-law/real sister/friend, Nicole Nobles. She was needed not only by my brother to love him to life, but to become my editor. She rocks!!! Without her, I will have comma splices all over the place. You see, writing without flaws is not my strong point. I actually let God know, during the time that he first wanted me to start this blog, that I was not embarrassing myself before people – with my “not so great” writing skills. He ignored me and kept telling me to “WRITE!”  Being the sovereign God that he is, my creator touched Nicole’s heart to assist me. See how the Almighty works, my act of obedience opened the door for something I needed to be “Great in His eyes!”

I know the first steps of obedience are liken to walking through a dark room without any windows. Trust me, the light will come. Follow God’s leading and move out in faith!

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen (KJV, Hebrews 11:1)

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (NIV, Jeremiah 29:11)

 

Just Human

Hi, I’m just dealing with some real human stuff. None of that fake got it all together social media fluff. There are times when life hits you so hard you are left wondering if God is your protector. I feel as though a series of blows have come across my table. As humans we like to pretend everything is all hunky-dory on the outside, but inwardly we are withering under the pressure. In these moments, there is nothing wrong with crying to release the pain, calling a dear friend to share your issues, or most importantly praying. Honestly, all three work for me. We are not robots that can withstand all of life’s curve balls with ease. Thankfully, God is there to make things easier. Doubt will try to creep in during our most difficult moments, if we’re not careful. The word of God says… to be steadfast, unmovable, and always abounding in the work of the Lord… (KJV, 1 Corinthians 15:58). Faith is fortified in the toughest battles. Sulking may seem to be the simplest way to handle things… it is not! There is no growth nor power in giving in to a bad situation. Every great thing we gain in life comes with a price. Too bad perfection is not free. Our hardest battles chisel our character for God’s glory.

We must fight the good fight of faith! I did, I do, I am! I can not give up on the promises of God, neither can you!

I pray that God restores your faith in all the areas where doubt has tried to creep in. You are victorious in God’s divine will for your life. There is no weapon formed that will prosper against you. I pray God removes everything that hinders your growth and the manifestation of God’s promises. I thank God for giving you the strength, patience, and wisdom through your trials. In Jesus’ name, Amen!

Trust the promise and not the process!

 

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