Enough?

As a parent, I often have the “Enough” questions resonating throughout my mind. Am I showing my kids [through my words and actions] that I love them enough? Am I teaching them enough about good morals (not that they really understand what morals mean)? Am I teaching them enough about God through my lifestyle, reading the Bible, helping others, praying, and attending church? Do we have enough meaningful conversations? Do I engage with them enough? Do I read enough to and with them? Am I modeling enough correct behaviors and manners? Am I providing them with enough opportunities to develop their academic and social skills? The list is forever growing with new challenges daily. Whenever my mind starts racing, I tell myself to stop and breathe. I am not perfect. My imperfections have allowed me to see my parenting is flawed. Why? Reread, I am not perfect. None of us are. However, I know someone who is… God. Just recently a friend reminded me of the scripture, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything…” (Philippians 4:6 NLT). Prayer leads us to answers for parenting. It has led me to people with great insight on dealing with kids. I asked God for help. He gave me a community, blogs, and peace. Praying has aided me in being less frustrated when my evening schedule is not being followed to perfection (OCD from Postpartum Depression).

Let me tell you, Brielle (my 6 year old daughter) receives an “N” in conduct on every progress report and report card because she loves to express herself through unsolicited communication. A nice way to say it, “she talks too much.” Initially, I overreacted which only upset Brielle and myself. During my prayer time God allowed me to know she really did not understand how her excessive communication impacted her classmates, the teacher, and conduct. Once Brielle and I had the “talking discussion” a few times, she started listening more and having less conversations. It is a work in progress. I should have prayed from the beginning.

God is concerned about every small detail. I can’t do life on my own. Those “Enough” questions are His to handle.

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Hello My Faithful Friends,

My blog was chosen as one of the top 100 mommy bloggers for Brandballot 2018-2019!! I am overjoyed and blessed to be chosen for this acknowledgement. Never be afraid to follow what God has directed to do. Your obedience will open doors you have never fathomed!! Step out today!!  Thank you for reading about my journey in life.

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We Made it to Kindergarten

Five years ago, I sat on the edge of my bed holding my daughter, Brielle. She was only a few months old at the time. My entire being was flooded with sadness and depression. I couldn’t enjoy the the fullness of her life. I wanted a “redo.” Having a baby proved to be more than I could handle mentally. God had made a mistake in allowing me to carry a healthy child full term. My thoughts were warped with confusion. I remember so vividly asking God to fast forward Brielle to five years old. One thousand eight hundred and twenty-five days later, she is five years old. Thankfully, postpartum depression had a short reign in my life and I can embrace Brielle with an overwhelming love! Now, I have to adjust to her entering Kindergarten. I keep wondering if I am teaching Brielle enough about life. As an educator, my eyes and ears have witnessed the best and worst of kids in their finest moments. The constant thoughts of me me thinking, “did I prepare Brielle for this next stage in  life? Is she strong enough to stand up to kids who are a little more overbearing and quarrelsome? Did my lessons on respect and self esteem take root in her heart.” We pride ourselves in making sure Brielle knows who she is based on her self confidence, not on others perception. She will see more of the world as she journeys  outside of the Pre-K realm and realize life is not based on fairy tales. I would love to keep her right under me forever, but Brielle must make her own mark on the world. At this point, I want her to enjoy Kindergarten and all of its offerings. She needs to feel the warm sunshine as she runs around the playground giggling with her classmates, savor the school lunches, and absorb all the knowledge that is being poured into her daily. I have no doubt she will love art. She has remnants of her art creations throughout the house on the carpet, walls, and furniture. Creating things is her passion. One of our main goals is to give her a spiritual foundation. She needs to understand the extent of God’s love that is available to everyone, regardless of one’s choices. Her little mind never seems to stop. We answer at least a million questions a day (literally) on “why is why?” My husband and I pray for patience to endure it all. There really is no handbook on “parenting Brielle Taylor.” It consists of much prayer, faith, and tests. Getting to this point has been more than I have ever imagined or knew I could handle. I’m thankful for God’s grace in seeing me through the darkest hours to witness the light of now and the days ahead in raising Brielle Taylor with my wonderful husband.

A Rant of Gratefulness

Oh my goodness, baby number two is no joke! I’ve seen so many shows, social media posts, and ads of how flawless folks make parenting look. I sit confused thinking, “Dang, what am I doing wrong?” Sometimes, I post pictures of my beautiful children on social media. The final photo is usually after a couple (okay a lot) of snaps were discarded. You know the ones, with the baby falling out or your oldest daughter refusing to smile (after a bribe you see all of her teeth). There is never a one snap perfect picture. Beyond pictures, I have the once dreadful car rides. We can now drive peacefully in a car with Ava. Thank God! Our mobile trips had me literally in tears because of the screaming and crying showered upon us by my beautiful baby. She hated being strapped down in the car seat and did not want me to stop at any point of the ride. We all know that is not realistic. To avoid heavy traffic and red lights, I would ride at least 15 minutes out of the way. There is no cushy way to write about how much work goes into being a parent, wife, and career woman. At times, I am just too tired to smile. I know parents with more than 2 kids are probably rolling their eyes at me, but this is my truth.

Having children is like figuring out how to fit puzzle pieces together on nearly a daily basis. And having multiple kids is like those small middle pieces of a puzzle. It ain’t easy. The pressure of making sure my oldest daughter does not feel left out is always a constant thought in the back of my mind. I have to make sure everyone is hugged and kissed on. Of course, when you have an infant, the household is shortchanged because the little one requires so much attention. Recently, I was running around the house and rolling on the floor with Brielle. Her eyes held this extra sparkle of enjoyment. The twinkle in my daughter’s eyes revealed to me the realization and the importance of spending more time alone with her. It was a moment of personal chastising. I had been mommy the manager, but not mommy the nurturer.  My motherly intuition helped me to duly note the importance of clearing out my schedule for her. NOW, my house no longer holds the cleanliness I am accustomed to or would like. It is now a small Toys ‘r us/Sesame Street/Barbie life rolled into one. Oh dear, I forgot the baby doll nursery. Friends, you didn’t tell me about the toys that would become our new bed buddies. Not sure how toys mysteriously appear under my sheets and comforter. Do you know? My daughter doesn’t. Honey, let me not talk about the overflowing mountain of laundry that needs to be folded as I write this blog post.

There is no perfect way of mothering, nor being a wife. You have to figure out what works best for your household. If grilled cheese, a bowl of cereal (with or without milk), or popcorn is the best you can muster up for dinner some some nights, then hey… The kids ate. Do not let social media or people dictate how to run YOUR home. Drive your minivan at your speed.

I often sit and think to myself I prayed for all of this. Most importantly, God honored my prayers. I figure if he listened then he knew I was more than capable of handling it all.

 

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